Dear Reader,
I’ve been thinking about Art again recently. Well, let’s be honest, I’m always thinking about Art in some way shape or form. Music, writing, painting, drawing, sculpting, all of it is part of the never ending tornado that is a permanent fixture of my brain. I want to do it all. I also want to run away from it all just enough so that I can see what I’m doing. My creative life seems to be a never ending muddy fight through a rainforest of ideas and hopes with brief interludes of ecstatic bursts of sunlight riddled clarity. When those bursts of clarity become too far apart I start to feel lost. I start to regurgitate. I go too inward and begin a fight with the ideas that I have until I convince myself that my creative well has run dry.
On holiday I had a thought that I hadn’t had before. What if I took a break from my creativity? I know. The fact that this question is new is telling. I mean a real break. Not a “I’m going to corfu for a week so I’ll take two sketchbooks and a notebook and make sure the storage is free on my phone for any songs I might come up with.” ( literally happened two weeks ago ). To be honest I’m thinking of doing it next year. A month, maybe two where I’m not nose deep in a sketchbook or anything really. To be honest I’m not sure that would be a happy space but I think I’m going to give it a go. I think what I’m looking for is that burst of light. I think I’m too deep in the shrubbery of my own thinking. I want to sit above the canopy and see what’s actually moving through me. I have a history of making my creativity a slog and I’m just not willing to waste time doing that any more.
Now here is where I run into a little loop I have in my thinking. I understand that inspiration finds people busy so I always keep the pen moving. But I think there’s a difference between busy and just hurting myself to stay in motion. If I was a really good idea floating around in the universe I would pick the artist who had the right balance of time and energy for me to come into the world. I wouldn’t pick the maniac who is frantic in his art studio dedicating his time to things that are all over the place. I think that’s ultimately what I need the break from, not creativity but the pressure I put on myself. It’s likely a hangover from a time when I was seeking approval, or maybe I am seeking validation or connection. I read somewhere that all art is an extension of the question, “Do you see me?”. I feel there’s a bit of that in there too. I can’t deny that there is a genuine urge to keep making all the time. To pick and pick and pick until something shakes loose. But there’s always a time when I take it too far and it slips out of creative collaboration and into something else. Lately there’s been a little bit too much “something else”.
So, l shall answer the call of Winter and slow down. I’ll sink into the deep spaces. I’ll return to earth. I’ll let my rhythms slow a little and remember to play more. As soon as my creative obligations have finished I will plan a break and leave myself room to move slowly again. I don’t think I’ll ever leave the house without a small sketchbook in my backpack or something to catch an idea. Because both you and I know that the second I do find myself in any space without something to write on an idea comes. It just does. I know that the second I take this real break something will open. Whether it does or doesn’t I need to rest my creative muscles. I’m tired.
That’s another thing about my creativity. There’s always something to work on. Something to learn. Something to improve and if I’m honest I don’t think that the creative well ever truly runs dry but, much like I make time in my life to spiritually cleanse my space I don’t do that with my creative one. I need to. I think that’s what this blog is about, the importance to creative clearing and resetting the artist so that the art can happen.
If you’ve done this before I’d love some tips or thoughts on how you’ve gotten to that beautiful quiet space.
Until then,
Big Love
Ryan