Dear Reader,
I’m almost certain no one actually reads this blog. I’m not sure if that makes me delusional to keep on writing but, I want to. I want to write. I want to make things and I want to at the very least put them in a place where they can be shared. My job as an artist is to create the “thing” then put the thing into the world. How it’s received, how it’s perceived is creatively none of my business. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have to keep my locus of control small. Make it, share it, breathe, make the next thing. Maybe, at some point, something will spark in the collective and my work will be shared, digested, recieved. Maybe it wont. Maybe I’ll just have a rich, creative life filled with moments of Joy and making. I wonder when that didn’t become enough?
As you can tell it’s been an emotional time here at Ryan James HQ. It’s mercury retrograde ( isnt it always? ), I’ve had some time off work to reflect. It’s also been a year since Oscar Dog passed away and even though I never really understood why people marked anniversaries like that I get it more now. His bowl and bed are still where they were the day he passed because I still can’t bring myself to pack them away, I miss him terribly.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do next in my life. I’ve contemplated, ruminated and over-thought a lot about my creative goals and I think what it boils down to is that I’m just ready for “more”. More connection. More fun. More community. I’m ready to embrace something new or, at the very least, start to create at a new level. For months now everything has been slowing down. My creative output, my insight, my passions, there’s been pauses, full breaks, long stretches of time to re think and now... it’s time to get going.
I’ve chosen 4 goals. They are simple and not a million miles away from what I’m currently doing. I’m taking my time over them though. I have a history of running at things at full speed and then either burning out, losing complete interest or sometimes I even end up emotionally and creatively hurting myself. I’m taking this one differently. Intuitively. Maturely. Slowly. I’m making sure that I’m refining for the right reasons and changing because it is needed for my spirit and not because of an emotional wound or a cultural reaction. I want to make from MY story.
Part of this is working out the habits I need in order to create my goals. Time to write, time to produce, time to paint and time to build. I like to fit my habits into my life in such a way that I can show up for them without them taking over. Like the gym habit I adopted three years ago and now I go 5 times a week and am stronger and healthier than I’ve ever been. Like the music habit I started 2 years ago and now I have two albums and a music youtube channel. Little and often works for me. More than habit, I need accountability. I’ve considered a coach ( like I got for gym ) or finding a friend but I can’t really find anything suitable. I think it’s going to have to be social media. I’m going to use it like a diary, another blog of sorts to keep me in habit.
I’m going to pick a date to start soon. Im thinking August the 1st. The retrograde will be over and the full moon just before might offer a magical push or insight to get it started. I want to claim it. Make it mine. Im hesitant at the amount of work I know is ahead of me but, I need to do something. I’m sat on too many projects that are unreleased. I feel like I’m being called to operate at a different level. I feel like these last few months have been the labour pains of building a new life. I’m ready to be ready.
I’ll keep you posted.
Big Love
Ryan James x