Howdy,
The bare bones of a life in pieces is not for the feint of heart. I've been there a fair bit in my time. I've had no place to live, I've had no money, I've had awful mental health, I've had heartbreak, I've had physical ill health, I've had a collection of failures, I've had no friends, I've had what felt like absolutely nothing. I've laid there staring at the ceiling, counting breaths wondering why I continue. But, I did continue.
There is something beautiful and odd that happens when you're in those spaces. Amidst the chaos of trying to survive there's a resolve that takes over and once you've given up struggling against the reality of what is happening you get to see it for what it is. Simply, you are where you are. You can only do what you can do and you can also choose to do what is in front of you that day. What kept me together in those moments was just keeping it simple. Stripping my life down to the bare minimum. Every now and again I still need a “bare minimum” day. On those days I take care of my mental health, my physical health and my financial health and that's it. No chasing anything. Once I've done what is only absolutely necessary I relax and do nothing.
Sometimes a dream bigger than the life you're living can call you to a sense of purpose. Sometimes a dream of a bigger life only reminds you of how small things feel right now. Sometimes you're in too much of a state to even dream at all. At this point, still, keep it simple. Make a small list and do what needs to be done that day and that day only. This is something that I have to return to over and over again at points in my life. When the noise of life gets big, I go small. When my life is in chaos, I approach it simply. One thing, then another and another.
Every life is different. Every pain is unique. Sometimes what pushes you to start again is the quiet agony of a inauthentic life. Sometimes what pushes you to start again is the complete collapse of a life you carefully and deliberately built. I've done both, neither are fun. What has gotten me through and what I've gotten better at is learning to let go of any idea of control I might have thought I had and reducing my lie to what needs to be done and how best I can get there. When I do that, eventually intuition, inspiration and the wonders that can be available to and unfolding life seem to happen but first, I must put in the labour of planting the seeds of that life. I recognise that my old life is gone, whether I wanted it to go or not, it's gone and my job now is to begin a new one.
Be gentle, keep it simple, onward.
Big Love,
Ryan x